One good conversation

As RU OK? day comes up this week, I’m thinking about the power of conversations.

As humans we long to (and need to) connect – and yet so many people feel like they are not really seen or heard or even truly known.

As a generation, we’ve gotten into some bad habits with conversations – either we don’t have them at all (text, tweet, message). Or we have them when we’re drinking (dulling our senses and anaesthetising our feelings). Or we’re distracted (the to-do list, phone, technology, tv, music, driving, noise).

Too often we skim the surface and don’t deeply listen. Or take the time to activate our intuition and empathy – to feel what the other person feels. And then what happens? We (and they) can feel lonely and isolated and ultimately misunderstood.

When it’s a good conversation, it can change everything. For the better.

I hope you have some conversations that matter this week.

And I hope you’re OK x

It's the climb

It’s the climb

We all get so focused on the destination. And like a lot of coaches, I can be a little obsessed with helping you figure out what your goal is, what’s holding you back and forging a path to get there.

But if I only focus on that, then I’m doing you a disservice.

Because I know that who you are on the journey to your destination is the real point of even having a goal.

Who do you want to ‘be’ on the way?  What lessons are these challenges teaching you? What does ‘grace under pressure’ look like for you? What are you strengthening? What habits do you need to embed to live your best life?

It’s not just about getting to the top of the mountain, it’s the climb.

Habits and rituals

A few years ago I decided to ditch the idea of new year’s resolutions (that I rarely kept - nobody does!) and replace it with a new year’s ritual. Something that would be easy to do – a joy to do actually.

I came up with two.

The first is to wake up early every day so that I can read in bed. I can’t tell you how much this has added to my life. My knowledge. My peace. I look forward to waking up, getting myself a cup of coffee and reading quietly as the day dawns whilst the birds are doing their thing. The best way (for me) to start my day. Bliss.

The second was to take Sundays off. No emails, no supermarket shop, no work, no chores, no technology. A day of freedom from expectations. My Sundays go deliciously slowly – a day that feels like a whole week – in the best way possible.

These rituals make my life so much better and now I’m starting to think I should have work rituals too.

It’s a way to live and work more joyfully, deliberately and purposefully…

What are the habits and rituals (both personal and professional) that fill your cup and make life better?

Staying small and being big

This is Brett Whitely’s “Lipstick”.

Like a lot of unusual and bold women, not everyone likes her. Actually, I think very few people like her. Maybe they don’t know what to make of her. That’s okay – it’s not her job to make you feel comfortable.

Of course, I’ve a huge soft spot for her. She’s squashed into that awkward shape, to fit into the small space she’s been given by the artist. I look at her - with those extraordinary long limbs. I see – if she could stand – what a mighty and magnificent woman she would be.

She reminds me of how I keep myself small and makes me ask myself what “big” looks like for me. What am I not doing because I’m trying to fit in? Or because I’m afraid?  What does fearless look like for me?

I often feel like she’s saying (with a touch of exasperation!) “I’m stuck in this bloody frame forever but you can stretch out and stride and be bold – what are you waiting for?”

We are all capable of so much more than we think – what holds us back do you think?

How real should you be on LinkedIn?

I feel like LinkedIn is changing – I’m getting to know people in a more authentic way. I know some people hate this shift (because they’ve told me). But I’m loving the way people are sharing their “why” on LinkedIn.

This is a bit tricky of course if you see your LinkedIn profile as representing the company you work for, rather than you. I’ve had some interesting conversations about this in my coaching.

But to be frank, the chance is high that your current employer is just one of many organisations you will work for. I think you need to play a longer game and use your LinkedIn for your own brand - which should be strong, real, consistent and run through your entire career.

 Of course I know that your posts can impact the organisation you work for – perhaps that’s why it is more important than ever to have real values and brand alignment between you and your employer.

Should you be playing it safe?

Often when I ask a client “What do you want in your future career?’, the answer will be a version of “I want safe”.

I get it. Perhaps there are commitments or responsibilities. Sometimes they’ve survived an organisation that felt like a war-zone and they need some peace. Maybe you just don’t like change (humans generally don’t).

But here’s the thing… if by ‘safe’ they mean a secure role in an organisation where they can be sure they’ll keep their job - well I’ve got some bad news. Because I don’t think that sort of safe exists in a world where all the rules have changed.

The good news is that you can protect yourself - but maybe not the way you think.

So, my truths for being “safe”?

1.   Absolutely prioritise your well-being – both mental and physical (that will positively impact everything else). Have boundaries.

2.   Nurture relationships – both personal and professional (make time, be generous, be authentic – this will rock your world)

3.   Know you (what are you good at? What lights you up?)

4.   Know what you want (what is your ideal next role? Where are you heading after that?). Your goal can change but it’s good to have a plan!

5.   Survey the landscape (what’s happening out there? What’s the future of your industry? What impact will technology have?).

6.   Make sure your resume, LinkedIn and (verbal) pitch are up to date and truly compelling

7.   Invest in your own development – lean into new knowledge, follow your curiosity, have a growth mindset.

8.   Accept that change is constant, and your role is never guaranteed. Stay employable and be prepared to embrace (and even relish) change.

9.   Have courage (it is the most underrated of strengths). And be prudent. It’s possible to be both.

I’m sure there will be a number 10 I’ve missed out on!

What has served you well in managing your career in turbulent times?

You do you

I think we’re experiencing a great shift – one where who we are professionally and who we are personally are merging.

It’s showing up in all sorts of ways – we can work at work or work at home. And we can do personal stuff at work.

Corporate dress is looking ‘wrong’. Even smart casual is evolving into just casual - where what we wear at home and work are the same.

LinkedIn is becoming increasingly authentic as more people share their personal “why”.

It’s all just life - there is no artificial divide.

And bringing your whole self to work means all of you – your pink hair, your experiences, your tattoos, your style, your strengths, your purpose, your whatever.

Organisations with a strong culture of Inclusivity and acceptance will adapt to this change rather well I think…

Here come those tears again

I used to believe that it was unprofessional to cry. This caused me some problems because I cry often and sometimes that happens at work. It can be triggered by disappointment, exhaustion, feeling misused, frustration – a whole lot of things really.

And once I start, I can’t stop – on command that is.

But I began to really look at my shame.

Why is anger and aggression at work more acceptable than tears?

How much has a masculine work culture contributed to my feelings of shame?

Why do I feel this rush of humiliation afterwards?

Where does that shame come from?

And something has shifted. I’m tired of apologising when I cry. I’m embracing it. I’m even on the way to being proud of it. It’s who I am. Go me!

When tears well up in my coaching conversations – from men and women – I’m so totally comfortable with it (sometimes I’ll even join you!).

I’m interested in your thoughts on this. How comfortable are you with tears (your own and others)?