I’ve just finished reading Johann Hari’s book Stolen Focus - it resonated so powerfully for me!
I’m really prioritizing building focus and minimizing distraction right now. I try for a digital detox on Sundays, have used the downtime setting on my iPhone to turn off apps from 7pm to 7am everyday and am trying to get my average screen time below 1 hr a day (a work in progress for sure).
To be honest, I have a very complicated relationship with my smart phone - it’s too invasive for me and I’ve often got it on silent. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry when my (adult) children told me recently they’ve put their father down as ‘next of kin’ because I so rarely answer my phone. Yikes!
Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect
Today I had another conversation about work-life boundaries. This is such a critical (and frequent) conversation for so many of my coaching clients - and one where I often push their boundaries!
What do poor boundaries look like?
They are different for everyone to be honest. But they’re often signalled by some resentment or a lack of self-care. I think they look like checking your work emails on holiday. Or responding to an email at 9.30pm. They look like getting a head start on your work week on a Sunday afternoon.
I can absolutely get some pushback from clients on this one.
Especially if they’ve become conditioned to working long hours over many years. Sometimes they don’t think it’s even possible to do their job in “normal hours” – and that may be true (and that’s the real issue that needs to be resolved). Or if they have a strong identity as a “hard worker”. Maybe their parents had to work long hours and they’ve never really reflected on that expectation in their own life. Or they have imposter syndrome and secretly believe “I have to work hard to make up for the fact I’m not really good enough”.
And I get that your boss may have poor boundaries and even expect that you’ll respond to that email or text after dinner. Don’t even get me started on how important it is if you are a leader to role model strong boundaries – the damage you do to your team with your behaviour can be far reaching and impactful.
But here’s the thing. Your organisation will probably not set the boundaries. Neither will your boss.
It’s your responsibility to set your boundaries. You draw the line in the sand. You make it clear to others what you will accept. They may not like it - and that’s okay because it’s not up to you to make everyone happy.
Your job is to demonstrate that you can do your role well AND maintain your boundaries. If your organisation (or leader) has no respect for that, there is most certainly a problem.
“You can tell she loves what she does”
I just had a wonderful stay at Elysia Wellness Retreat in the Hunter Valley where I was weekend guest speaker.
As usual I was keen to check the evaluations after my workshop as was delighted to see the comment “You can tell she loves what she does”.
Facilitating a workshop is my happy place. I feel like I’m doing the work I’m truly meant to be doing – creating insight, fun and connection. Participants feel that purpose.
Some other comments included…
“She’s so energetic and passionate, really enjoyed her talk and it has given me things to think about!”
“Fantastic”
“Tess has a lovely presence and energy”
I also believe that in a hybrid environment where so many people are feeling a tad disconnected, a workshop is a great way to forge relationships and connection.
If you are interested in discussing workshop options for your team, please reach out
Do you trust your gut?
Do you trust your gut?
It's a work in progress for me but increasingly I do trust my gut. I check how I physically feel when making an important decision. I consider how much energy a certain course of action generates.
Sometimes my body knows what my conscious mind is still coming to terms with.
I love this quote from Steve Jobs – such a formidable intellect and yet a believer in following your gut.
So often the solution is not in our head but in our heart. Interested in your thoughts on this?
One good conversation
As RU OK? day comes up this week, I’m thinking about the power of conversations.
As humans we long to (and need to) connect – and yet so many people feel like they are not really seen or heard or even truly known.
As a generation, we’ve gotten into some bad habits with conversations – either we don’t have them at all (text, tweet, message). Or we have them when we’re drinking (dulling our senses and anaesthetising our feelings). Or we’re distracted (the to-do list, phone, technology, tv, music, driving, noise).
Too often we skim the surface and don’t deeply listen. Or take the time to activate our intuition and empathy – to feel what the other person feels. And then what happens? We (and they) can feel lonely and isolated and ultimately misunderstood.
When it’s a good conversation, it can change everything. For the better.
I hope you have some conversations that matter this week.
And I hope you’re OK x
It's the climb
It’s the climb
We all get so focused on the destination. And like a lot of coaches, I can be a little obsessed with helping you figure out what your goal is, what’s holding you back and forging a path to get there.
But if I only focus on that, then I’m doing you a disservice.
Because I know that who you are on the journey to your destination is the real point of even having a goal.
Who do you want to ‘be’ on the way? What lessons are these challenges teaching you? What does ‘grace under pressure’ look like for you? What are you strengthening? What habits do you need to embed to live your best life?
It’s not just about getting to the top of the mountain, it’s the climb.
Habits and rituals
A few years ago I decided to ditch the idea of new year’s resolutions (that I rarely kept - nobody does!) and replace it with a new year’s ritual. Something that would be easy to do – a joy to do actually.
I came up with two.
The first is to wake up early every day so that I can read in bed. I can’t tell you how much this has added to my life. My knowledge. My peace. I look forward to waking up, getting myself a cup of coffee and reading quietly as the day dawns whilst the birds are doing their thing. The best way (for me) to start my day. Bliss.
The second was to take Sundays off. No emails, no supermarket shop, no work, no chores, no technology. A day of freedom from expectations. My Sundays go deliciously slowly – a day that feels like a whole week – in the best way possible.
These rituals make my life so much better and now I’m starting to think I should have work rituals too.
It’s a way to live and work more joyfully, deliberately and purposefully…
What are the habits and rituals (both personal and professional) that fill your cup and make life better?
Staying small and being big
This is Brett Whitely’s “Lipstick”.
Like a lot of unusual and bold women, not everyone likes her. Actually, I think very few people like her. Maybe they don’t know what to make of her. That’s okay – it’s not her job to make you feel comfortable.
Of course, I’ve a huge soft spot for her. She’s squashed into that awkward shape, to fit into the small space she’s been given by the artist. I look at her - with those extraordinary long limbs. I see – if she could stand – what a mighty and magnificent woman she would be.
She reminds me of how I keep myself small and makes me ask myself what “big” looks like for me. What am I not doing because I’m trying to fit in? Or because I’m afraid? What does fearless look like for me?
I often feel like she’s saying (with a touch of exasperation!) “I’m stuck in this bloody frame forever but you can stretch out and stride and be bold – what are you waiting for?”
We are all capable of so much more than we think – what holds us back do you think?
