Should we really be talking about confidence…or courage?

Earlier this week, in a coaching conversation, my client requested that we work on increasing her confidence.

 I’ve had this conversation before of course – it’s a great topic and one that many clients wrestle with.

 And certainly, we can (and did) talk about recognising and overcoming negative self-talk, the physical ‘in your body’ aspects of confidence, looking for evidence - all the logical stuff.

 But ultimately (in this session at least) I asked the question, “should we really be talking about confidence or courage?”.

 Because another approach is to just accept that (right now at least) you are experiencing a lack of confidence. And maybe acknowledge that as humans we all feel that feeling. And then do what you need to do. Move forward in line with your values and goals.

 That’s courage.

 And ultimately it will build confidence.

If you're interested in coaching or workshops for yourself or your team, feel free to get in touch at tess@nextcoaching.com.au.

Wait...haven't we been here before?

Often when I'm in a coaching relationship, I see patterns of behaviour. Some of these recurring behaviours are great and some ... not so much.

We’ve all got our blind spots. As a coach, part of my job is to reflect back what I'm observing.

Sometimes that's tough - it takes courage for me to say and can certainly be challenging to hear. There needs to be genuine and mutual trust for radical candour. But it can be the start of an incredibly powerful conversation when I say 'Are you seeing what I'm seeing?'.

I believe that life teaches you the same lessons over and over until you learn them. And when there are consistent themes or situations that keep reoccurring in your work and life, there can be something you aren't seeing. But perhaps I can.

These words - by Pulitzer Prize winning columnist, journalist and author Anna Quindlan - are so inspirational to me

“...nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great ever came out of imitations. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.
 
"This is more difficult, because there is no zeitgeist to read, no template to follow, no mask to wear. Set aside what your friends expect, what your parents demand, what your acquaintances require. Set aside the messages this culture sends, through its advertising, its entertainment, its disdain and its disapproval, about how you should behave.
 
"Set aside the old traditional notion of female as nurturer and male as leader; set aside, too, the new traditional notions of female as superwoman and male as oppressor. Begin with that most terrifying of all things, a clean slate. Then look, every day, at the choices you are making, and when you ask yourself why you are making them, find this answer: for me, for me. Because they are who and what I am, and mean to be.

"This will always be your struggle whether you are twenty-one or fifty-one. I know this from experience. When I quit the New York Times to be a full-time mother, the voices of the world said that I was nuts. When I quit it again to be a full-time novelist, they said I was nuts again. But I am not nuts. I am happy. I am successful on my own terms. Because if your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.”

 Link to full transcript is https://jamesclear.com/great-speeches/1999-mount-holyoke-commencement-speech-by-anna-quindlen

“Excellent presentation and great vibe.”

I’ll take that!

I had an absolute blast facilitating a new Networking and Building Connection workshop for the University of Sydney Business School MBA program last week.

There was plenty of energy in the room, lots of conversation and, importantly, lots of doing. People were up, talking to each other, trying things out and getting a little outside their comfort zones.

And somewhere along the way, they got to know each other better too.

Networking can still feel awkward or transactional to so many people. But learning how to build genuine connections, create trust and develop relationships is such a vital career skill.

And like most skills, you get better at it by actually doing it.

A big thank you to everyone who threw themselves into the session. So much fun.

What’s next for you?

I’ve always liked this quote from Eckhart Tolle.

Not because I think leaving is always the answer. It isn’t.

But if you’ve been unhappy in your role for a long time, having the same conversations with yourself and others, and hoping something will somehow change, it may be worth asking yourself a different question - what am I going to do about it?

That might mean changing something about your current situation. It might mean accepting that, for now, this is where you need to be. Or it might mean starting to explore what else is out there.

There’s a lot of career movement at the moment, some chosen and some very much not. Either way, transitions can give us an opportunity to think more deliberately about what we want next.

You don’t necessarily need to have the answer yet - but perhaps it’s time to start asking the question.

Do you trust your gut?

It's a work in progress for me but increasingly I do trust my gut. I check how I physically feel when making an important decision. I consider how much energy a certain course of action generates.

Sometimes my body knows what my conscious mind is still coming to terms with.

I love this quote from Steve Jobs – such a formidable intellect and yet a believer in following your gut.

So often the solution is not in our head but in our heart.

Maybe I'm biased...but I don't think so

We're navigating the most amazing, alarming, extraordinary and overwhelming period of change. We're surrounded by tremendous uncertainty, huge potential and constant disruption.

We need to understand ourselves, support ourselves and support others too. Humans need humans.

That's why coaching - both receiving it and being able to offer it - is more important than ever.

Careers rarely unfold the way we imagine.

When we’re younger, we often picture a fairly tidy path. A plan. A series of steps that lead somewhere clear.

But when I look back at my own career, and at the careers of the people I coach, the reality is much messier. There were unexpected opportunities and sudden changes of direction. Times when I missed out on a promotion I thought I should get and other times I was positively triumphant. There were moments of doubt and moments of courage.

Very few meaningful careers are linear - they evolve.

What matters is not always knowing exactly where you’re going, but staying curious enough to keep moving forward.

And being willing to take opportunities when they appear, even if they weren’t part of the original plan.

Some of the best things in my career were things I never expected.

If you’re interested in coaching or workshops for yourself or your team, feel free to get in touch attess@nextcoaching.com.au

#professionalcoaching #careermanagement #futureofwork #leadershipdevelopment #findingyourwhy#careertransition #facilitation