This week I got to be in my happy place again. Facilitating my "Career Catalyst" workshop for the very talented team at the Centre for Social Justice and Inclusion at University of Technology Sydney.
And it was face to face - bliss!!
The topic is close to my heart - as a coach I know that setting career goals and pro-actively managing your career is an absolutely essential skill in our lifetime.
Knowing what you want, working with your strengths, figuring out the "new rules" so that you can take the reins in your own career is vital in a world where the old rules seem kind of obsolete.
Interested in discussing a virtual or face to face workshop for your team?
My secret
Wrestling with fear
I’ll tell you a secret – when faced with almost anything new or unfamiliar, I’m usually wrestling with fear. I’m not using the word “wrestling” lightly – we have a bit of a tussle, my fear and I, but (and I’m proud of this) I don’t give in without a good fight. And I usually win.
I know I’m not alone and many of us feel this way. Courage does not require an absence of fear.
This wonderful quote from Anais Nin says it so much more eloquently than I can. When I can manage (if not completely conquer) my fear and say a big confident YES (or even a small, timid yes) to new opportunities then all kinds of great things happen. I learn new stuff, or make friends, or get new job offers. I get wiser. I eventually get comfortable doing the stuff that was so scary and my confidence grows. It changes the way I see myself. It changes the way others see me. My life gets bigger. And much more interesting.
It’s not always comfortable – actually, usually it’s super uncomfortable. But I don’t want a comfortable life – what about you?
But what kind of coach are you Tess?
One of the lovely aspects of being a coach is that new people I meet socially are often interested in what I do. This didn't happen when I worked in the world of Chartered Accounting! 'Are you a life coach?' is a question I often get asked and I'm never quite sure what to answer...
To keep it simple, I'll often say that I'm a career coach. Or a leadership coach. Sometimes a transition coach. Just because it's easier for people to be able to label you. But to be honest I'm a life coach too. And a mindset coach.
People are complex, coaching is fluid and one goal can easily morph into something much more important - life changing even.
I think all coaching is coaching. I work with your energy, knowledge, goals, fears, motivations. I ask questions and give you space to reflect. I challenge and support you in change, in fulfilling your potential and becoming "unstuck".
Ultimately you are the expert on you and I help you get your own answers - whatever the goal.
When you need more than coaching
When people want to work with me they are usually ready for what's next. They're wanting something to change. And coaching can absolutely build determination, resolve, energy and inspiration to move forward.
But sometimes people are stuck. They need therapy - not coaching. When I get a sense that this is the case, I'm always going to go there and open up that important conversation. I'm also happy to share that I've sought counselling and therapy at different times in my life and it has made all the difference - in a really positive way. 'Conquer yourself and you conquer the world' (to misquote Plato).
The theme for Mental Health Awareness Week (this week) is "Make mental health and wellbeing for all a global priority". What do you do to make your own mental health and well-being a priority?
Why you can't pay attention
I’ve just finished reading Johann Hari’s book Stolen Focus - it resonated so powerfully for me!
I’m really prioritizing building focus and minimizing distraction right now. I try for a digital detox on Sundays, have used the downtime setting on my iPhone to turn off apps from 7pm to 7am everyday and am trying to get my average screen time below 1 hr a day (a work in progress for sure).
To be honest, I have a very complicated relationship with my smart phone - it’s too invasive for me and I’ve often got it on silent. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry when my (adult) children told me recently they’ve put their father down as ‘next of kin’ because I so rarely answer my phone. Yikes!
Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect
Today I had another conversation about work-life boundaries. This is such a critical (and frequent) conversation for so many of my coaching clients - and one where I often push their boundaries!
What do poor boundaries look like?
They are different for everyone to be honest. But they’re often signalled by some resentment or a lack of self-care. I think they look like checking your work emails on holiday. Or responding to an email at 9.30pm. They look like getting a head start on your work week on a Sunday afternoon.
I can absolutely get some pushback from clients on this one.
Especially if they’ve become conditioned to working long hours over many years. Sometimes they don’t think it’s even possible to do their job in “normal hours” – and that may be true (and that’s the real issue that needs to be resolved). Or if they have a strong identity as a “hard worker”. Maybe their parents had to work long hours and they’ve never really reflected on that expectation in their own life. Or they have imposter syndrome and secretly believe “I have to work hard to make up for the fact I’m not really good enough”.
And I get that your boss may have poor boundaries and even expect that you’ll respond to that email or text after dinner. Don’t even get me started on how important it is if you are a leader to role model strong boundaries – the damage you do to your team with your behaviour can be far reaching and impactful.
But here’s the thing. Your organisation will probably not set the boundaries. Neither will your boss.
It’s your responsibility to set your boundaries. You draw the line in the sand. You make it clear to others what you will accept. They may not like it - and that’s okay because it’s not up to you to make everyone happy.
Your job is to demonstrate that you can do your role well AND maintain your boundaries. If your organisation (or leader) has no respect for that, there is most certainly a problem.
“You can tell she loves what she does”
I just had a wonderful stay at Elysia Wellness Retreat in the Hunter Valley where I was weekend guest speaker.
As usual I was keen to check the evaluations after my workshop as was delighted to see the comment “You can tell she loves what she does”.
Facilitating a workshop is my happy place. I feel like I’m doing the work I’m truly meant to be doing – creating insight, fun and connection. Participants feel that purpose.
Some other comments included…
“She’s so energetic and passionate, really enjoyed her talk and it has given me things to think about!”
“Fantastic”
“Tess has a lovely presence and energy”
I also believe that in a hybrid environment where so many people are feeling a tad disconnected, a workshop is a great way to forge relationships and connection.
If you are interested in discussing workshop options for your team, please reach out
Do you trust your gut?
Do you trust your gut?
It's a work in progress for me but increasingly I do trust my gut. I check how I physically feel when making an important decision. I consider how much energy a certain course of action generates.
Sometimes my body knows what my conscious mind is still coming to terms with.
I love this quote from Steve Jobs – such a formidable intellect and yet a believer in following your gut.
So often the solution is not in our head but in our heart. Interested in your thoughts on this?
