It's a work in progress for me but increasingly I do trust my gut. I check how I physically feel when making an important decision. I consider how much energy a certain course of action generates. I say no if I'm just not feeling it.
Sometimes my body knows what my conscious mind is still coming to terms with.
I love this quote from Steve Jobs – such a formidable intellect and yet a believer in following your heart.
So often the solution is not in our head but in our gut. Interested in your thoughts on this?
Dancing with doubt – feeling like a fake in a world of winners.
Over the past few years of coaching and conversations, I’ve explored imposter phenomenon frequently. It’s a topic that comes up quite regularly with leaders – and also with clients at all levels, and genders.
Michelle Obama, Tom Hanks, Lady Gaga, David Bowie, Sheryl Sandberg – all these people have shared that they regularly feel like an ‘imposter’.
We all know the symptoms – doubting yourself, that you’ve just been ‘lucky’ or that the fraud police will come knocking because you’ve been found out and don’t know what you’re doing.
But here’s the thing. Imposter syndrome works in two ways. The second aspect of imposter syndrome is overestimating others.
We can assume stuff about the 'awesome others’ to whom we compare ourselves. That they’re full of confidence. They know what they’re doing and certainly more than us. And they have genuine talent or skill. They are fully competent in ways we are not.
The truth is that other people are often just bumbling along, doing the best they can, going on instinct. Everyone is a bit scared and winging it some of the time. Just like you.
I don’t have a magic panacea for imposter syndrome – but I’m hoping this perspective helps a little. Don’t underestimate yourself but importantly, don’t overestimate others.
Easter musings about boundaries and moments of joy
I’m very intentional about what I wear
Sure, I have fun with it, but I definitely think about it. I know what I wear has an impact. It leaves an impression that is powerful.
When there is a lack of synchronicity between how you look, what you say and what you do … it’s just confusing. And it compromises your professional brand.
Times are tough right now and budgets vary. I’m sensitive to that reality. What I’m not on board with is the view that it doesn’t matter. Maybe it shouldn’t – but that is a very long, complex rabbit hole to go down right now.
This absolutely does not mean having a rigid dress code. Sneakers are my ‘go to’ for work wear. I’m all for authenticity not bland, uninspiring outfits. You do you. Dress to conquer not conform. Vive la révolution!
What you wear is sending a message about who you are – authentically. And the power of that message shouldn’t be underestimated.
memento vivere
So many people I coach are at some kind of crossroads
Usually, they seek me out because they want something different from what they currently have. Acceleration in their career, a different way of leading (or being led), more purpose or balance, a new role. They have energy around that change, and they are ready to do something about it. And of course, sometimes change is thrust upon them.
Of course we explore options. As a coach it is my job to ask great questions and give space for reflection and clarity.
But still, sometimes there is still uncertainty about which direction to take.
And then I pull out a question that someone once asked me when I was at a crossroads:
“Which direction would make the most interesting story?”
I love this reframe. It worked for me. I imagined myself, 20 years from now, telling someone I love, all about my life (and its meaning). What story would I rather be telling?
And it gives my clients a slightly different lens – a bigger perspective – on the decisions they make and the impact on their own life story.
Anyone who knows me, will know that I love a good speech
The words below - by Pulitzer Prize winning columnist, journalist and author Anna Quindlan - are so inspirational to me. Full transcript in comments.
“...nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great ever came out of imitations. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.
"This is more difficult, because there is no zeitgeist to read, no template to follow, no mask to wear. Set aside what your friends expect, what your parents demand, what your acquaintances require. Set aside the messages this culture sends, through its advertising, its entertainment, its disdain and its disapproval, about how you should behave.
"Set aside the old traditional notion of female as nurturer and male as leader; set aside, too, the new traditional notions of female as superwoman and male as oppressor. Begin with that most terrifying of all things, a clean slate. Then look, every day, at the choices you are making, and when you ask yourself why you are making them, find this answer: for me, for me. Because they are who and what I am, and mean to be.
"This will always be your struggle whether you are twenty-one or fifty-one. I know this from experience. When I quit the New York Times to be a full-time mother, the voices of the world said that I was nuts. When I quit it again to be a full-time novelist, they said I was nuts again. But I am not nuts. I am happy. I am successful on my own terms. Because if your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.”
https://jamesclear.com/great-speeches/1999-mount-holyoke-commencement-speech-by-anna-quindlen
Times are a changing (I think)
There is so much to love about this unexpected cover of Vogue. Miuccia Prada at 74. Minimal makeup and no obvious attempts to portray herself as younger than her age. Sure – attractive – but in an unconventional way.
I find it so modern.
She strikes me as vibrant, smart, aspirational, and very cool.
Other the other hand below (in comments) is a highly airbrushed image of Debbie Harry with the banner “still rocking it at 78”. Suddenly it seems so out of kilter with the zeitgeist - inauthentic and irrelevant.
It’s all about authenticity and brand – how do you want to be seen and why?
Networking or not?
You can see I didn’t know this shot was being taken (not my favourite photo of me!). You can also see I’m engaged and happy. It was a great conversation.
Because it’s not just networking – it’s connection.
The great thing about a conversation is that you never really know where it will take you. I love the opportunity for honest, open, often fun – and occasionally vulnerable – conversations wherever I find them.
Most of my coaching clients who are resistant to networking (and that’s most of my clients!) can’t handle the opportunistic subtext of traditional networking.
I get it. I think transactional “what can I get out of you” networking is uncomfortable, short sighted and ultimately ineffective.
Alternatively, if you focus on connection, understanding, friendship, exchanging ideas, laughter and support…well then, you’re creating a relationship. Something real, sustainable and enriching.
So should you network? Absolutely. It will supercharge your career on so many levels. But it will only really work if you do it for another reason. To enrich your life.
Intentionality around cultivating a professional tribe is everything – and something truly worthy of your time.
