Isn’t it all life coaching really?

One of the lovely aspects of being a coach is that new people I meet are often interested in what I do. This didn't happen when I worked in the world of Chartered Accounting! 'Are you a life coach?' is a question I often get asked and I'm never quite sure what to answer...

To keep it simple, I'll often say that I'm a career coach. Or a leadership coach. Sometimes a transition coach. Or a personal brand coach. Just because it's easier for people to be able to label you. But to be honest I'm a life coach too.

People are complex, coaching is fluid, and one goal can easily morph into something much more important - life changing even.

All coaching is coaching. I work with your energy, knowledge, goals, fears, motivations. I ask questions and give you space to reflect. I challenge and support you in change, in fulfilling your potential and becoming "unstuck". 

Ultimately you are the expert on you, and I help you get your own answers - whatever you want to call it.

You’ve caught me in a somewhat philosophical mood…

On my way to the bus this morning, I saw this message in my neighbourhood. It’s one of my favourite quotes from American author, poet, and civil rights activist – the wonderful Maya Angelou.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better”.

For me this deceptively simple statement reminds me to be gentle with myself. To forgive myself for stuff I did when I just didn’t know what I do now.

A regular theme that comes up in my coaching is self-compassion. Generally, my clients seem much more inclined to mentally flog themselves than to give themselves a break. I often try and help them to see that a wiser approach is to be more humane and forgiving with themselves. Understand that you did the best you could (in that moment, at that time, in those circumstances).

We learn as we go. Sometimes we stuff up. But the problems, challenges, and difficulties that we face, become our greatest learnings. And we become stronger (and wiser) in overcoming them.

And of course, a gentler, kinder approach gives you the space (and grace) to ask yourself that most important of all coaching questions “what is this here to teach me?”.

Memento vivere.

"Love the passion!"

"Authentic, funny, love the use of anecdotes and personal examples and stories"
"Best presenter I’ve had in the 6 times I’ve come to Elysia"
"I really enjoyed Tess’s approach and ease with presenting"
"Practical takeaways"
"Great introduction to the science of purpose. Appetiser!"
"Really good"
"Very enjoyable and made me think!!"
"Love the passion!"

Over the weekend I was a guest speaker at the beautiful Elysia Wellness Retreat in Pokolbin, Hunter Valley - stunning Wonnarua country. The workshop was wonderful (and I’m so grateful for this feedback) but also loved the swimming, pilates, meditation, sound bathing and even the cardio box (bit sore afterwards though!). It's a tough gig but someone has to do it!

I'm not sure who this is...but it is just not me

I had a play with AI generated headshots yesterday. I was curious - I coach a lot of people for whom this could be useful.

Here's the deal. You pay around $50 USD. You take 15 or so selfies and submit them. 90 minutes later you're emailed 50 very different headshots to download.

It was fascinating...and also horrifying. Who is this woman that looks like me but not like me? In clothes I haven't selected (and would never wear). And who gave me hair extensions when I wasn't looking??

I must admit it was fun but I'm feeling kind of conflicted.

It was quick, they're professional (kind of), it's a lot less trouble and cost than a face-to-face photo shoot with a photographer. I can see how many clients could benefit.

But they're so fake.

Yes - I look (much!) younger. And probably more attractive. But it's not me.

And what happens to trust and connection when there is no authenticity - even in an image. For people to know me, they have to see me. The real me.

So it has it's place I guess, but it's not for me.

How real should you be on LinkedIn?

LinkedIn is changing – I’m getting to know people in a more authentic way. I know some people hate this shift (because they’ve told me). But I’m loving the way people are sharing their “why” on LinkedIn.

This is a bit tricky of course if you see your LinkedIn profile as representing the company you work for, rather than you. I’ve had some interesting conversations about this in my coaching.

But to be frank, the chance is high that your current employer is just one of many organisations you will work for. I think you need to play a longer game and use your LinkedIn for your own brand - which should be strong, real, consistent and run through your entire career.

Of course I know that your posts can impact the organisation you work for – perhaps that’s why it is more important than ever to have real values and brand alignment between you and your employer.

Do something (because doing nothing is a decision too)

Often people come to me for coaching after years of not doing much at all.

They haven't been able to move forward. It can be fear, or lack of clarity, or perpetual busyness. That uncertainty can lead to a stagnation that will drain energy, motivation and joy.

This quote resonates with me. And whilst I have mixed feelings about Churchill’s decisions and how they impacted Australia (especially his involvement in the Gallipoli campaign in WWI), his words carry wisdom. For me it’s a thought-provoking reminder that even in moments of indecision or hesitation, we are still making a choice.

Every decision, every small action, every step forward can have a huge impact. In my experience, when you’re unsure (and have been for a while) trying something new– even if it’s not the perfect move – will get you ‘unstuck’ and give you some clarity and a fresh perspective.

So - choose wisely and with intention but choose something (not nothing).

Staying small and being big

This is Brett Whitely’s “Lipstick” – a particular favourite of mine

Like a lot of unusual and bold women, not everyone likes her. Actually, I think very few people like her. Maybe they don’t know what to make of her. That’s okay – it’s not her job to make you feel comfortable.

I’ve a huge soft spot for her. She’s squashed into that awkward shape, to fit into the small space she’s been given by the artist. I look at her - with those extraordinary long limbs. I see – if she could stand – what a mighty and magnificent woman she would be.

She reminds me of how I keep myself small and makes me ask myself what “big” looks like for me. What am I not doing because I’m trying to fit in? Or because I’m afraid?  What does fearless look like for me?

I often feel like she’s saying (with a touch of exasperation!) “I’m stuck in this frame forever, but you can stretch out and stride and be bold – what are you waiting for?”

We are all capable of so much more than we think – what holds us back do you think?

Wait...haven't we been here before?

Often when I'm in a coaching relationship, I see patterns of behaviour. Some of these recurring behaviours are great and some ... not so much.

As a coach, part of my job is to reflect back what I'm observing.

Sometimes that's tough - it takes courage for me to say and can certainly be challenging to hear. There needs to be genuine and mutual trust for radical candour. But it can be the start of an incredibly powerful conversation when I say 'Are you seeing what I'm seeing?'.

I believe that life teaches you the same lessons over and over until you learn them. And when there are consistent themes or situations that keep reoccurring in your work and life, there can be something you aren't seeing. But I can.

If you are interested in coaching, reach out for a complimentary chemistry session tess@nextcoaching.com.au

memento mori